Sea of Uncertainty, Praying for a Life Persever
by Black3Hunter
Summary: I am drowning in a sea of insecurities, and sudden epiphanies of who I am, who I'm not, and what I had done. With those realizations came the staggering feeling of loneliness that only came about when I realized that no one was going to swoop in and come to my rescue. Faberry Slight AU - -ABANDONED
1. Chapter 1

PROLOGUE

When did this happen?

When did I become this person, this despicable person who destroys people emotionally, verbally, physically?

Could someone stop and tell me? Could someone please save me?

I am drowning in a sea of insecurities, and sudden epiphanies of who I am, who I'm not, and what I had done. With those realizations came the staggering feeling of loneliness that only came about when I realized that no one was going to swoop in and come to my rescue.

My friends were practically nonexistent. Santana had been slowly drifting from me, and Britney had Artie to latch onto. I stood no chance against this storm that had once been my life. The waves were just getting too high.

Chapter 1

The hallways of McKinley were, as always, packed. Monday morning's always seemed to be the worst. Maybe because I just wasn't prepared for the masses, and the voices that accompanied them. While the crowds parted for me, and no one spoke to me directly, it felt as if they were all slowly closing in on me. I wanted to run.

"Quinn!" The hairs on the back of my neck stood up. Oh God, Finn. Recently he had been attempting to rekindle a relationship that I wanted no part of. He couldn't seem to take no for an answer. I just wish he'd give me some space, or even better, just leave me altogether alone. Alas, twas not to be the case, but I kept on walking. I might have sped up a little but no one has to know that...

"Quinn wait up," Finn called. Come on. Come on. Almost to the girls restroom. I can lose him still. The hand that gripped my arm and pulled me to abrupt halt stopped all those plans of peace in their tracks.

'You can't cry in front of these people, you can't cry in front of all these people,' I chanted to myself, and hoped it made a difference.

I turned to face Finn whose grip on my arm bordered on painful. He was all smiles at having caught me. On occasions like this I wondered why I still bothered to come to school. Of course, then I always remembered my dreams of scholarships and getting out of Lima, and normally it was enough to make it worth it. This wasn't one of those times.

"Hey," he said, "I've been looking to talk to you since last week, but it's been like you've been trying to avoid me or something," Trying? I'd been succeeding till today," Did I do something wrong?"

"No, nothing's wrong," I tried to formulate a longer reply but the words were lost to the loud shriek behind me. It was followed by a very familiar splashing sound that recently I had come to hate.

I spun around to face one Rachel Berry. Rachel Berry who was covered in blue icky gooey slushie. Her eyes were squeezed shut as she tried to wipe some of it off. The halls were filled with laughter as she struggled, and I just couldn't stand it. It was all so loud. It echoed in my skull. Reverberated in my eardrum creating almost hyena like emulations in my ears. Rachel stood in the center like some poorly painted pinata, and I couldn't stand it. Any of it. The Slushie. The Laughter. The Humiliation that always followed the victim.

I marched up to her and grabbed her blue free hand. She was stuck being dragged behind me to the bathroom. I was breathing hard by the time I shoved her into the empty restroom. My fingers were massaging my temples as I attempted to stop not only the frustrated tears, but just all out rage that everything was just so crap.

Running water made me open my eyes. Rachel was slowly methodically cleaning off her face and clothes. Like she'd done it before. I knew she had. I strode past her and grabbed a fist full of paper towels to at least try and do something. She seemed wary when I made to hand them to her. It just seemed to make me madder. Not at her, but at myself. Why did I have to be such a bitch to her? Why couldn't I have been nice? Was being nice really that hard?

Apparently it was for me.

I didn't know what to do and she didn't reach for the paper towels. I suppose I wouldn't want help from me either. My hand dropped to my side with the crumpled mess clutched tightly. I glared at the ground. I carefully took my backpack off and placed it on the sink. I reached inside.

"Sorry," I whispered as I placed the black cardigan I had stored in my backpack on the sink beside her. Then I fled, and hoped to god that I was imagining the wetness on my cheeks.


	2. Suffocating in a Crowd

Chapter 2

I didn't ask why Kurt was going into the girl's bathroom when he sprinted past me. He did spare me a dirty look before he disappeared inside. I almost wished he'd stopped and yelled at me. Maybe punched me so I could justifiably leave school.

Only two weeks into the first semester of my junior year, and already I was longing for the quasi peace of my house. I hadn't even signed up for Glee or Cheerios because I didn't think I wanted to participate in all that drama. Nobody from Glee had asked me if I was going to come, but I knew that Sue was going to find me soon. Probably threaten me some, however, it was expected so I wasn't too scared.

I entered the classroom. A few students were already in their seats scrambling through the math problems that were supposed to be due in a few minutes. I sat in the back.

* * *

I didn't follow the flow of students to the cafeteria like I used to when I was in Cheerios. Instead I headed to the library. It would have hurt my image before to be seen reading so much. But now, when I didn't care so much about how I was perceived, it didn't matter.

Not only was the library quiet, but it was just about people-free. More importantly, it was Rachel-free. I didn't want to look at her. Not after this morning.

It's not like I expected her to forgive me for the things I had put her through. I didn't expect anyone to forgive me. With Rachel though… with Rachel I thought maybe she'd give me a chance to at least help her. Just a little. To prove that maybe that offer for friendship could still be accepted.

A gentle beep sounded.

_Santana: Where r u?_

The text made me heart stop for a moment. Santana hadn't texted or really even talked to me for more than three weeks. She had said a quick good morning on the first day of school, but that was all. If she was wondering where I was then she must want to talk to me about something. The question was: did I want to talk to her?

The answer was a quick and efficient no. My phone went back into my pocket. Ignoring Santana was probably asking for trouble later, but I just didn't want to deal with her scathing attitude right now. I was already deprecating myself enough on my own. It was normal for Santana to be just too much. Her unstoppable bluntness was for the most part unappreciated on my account. Seldom were talks with her actually helpful. Almost always I would find myself more prone to tear someone down after a heart to heart with her than anyone else.

Another beep.

I didn't even look at me phone. I glanced around again. There were a few other's in the library, but they weren't anybody special. They were more like the people who were in the background. Not even important enough to get slushied. I made my way to a small corner of the library. Hopefully if anyone came looking they wouldn't bother actually doing a full sweep of the library in their quest to find me.

I pulled an old friend out of my backpack. A well worn, old copy of _Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire_. It was rather beaten from how often I read it, but the _Harry Potter_ series was still my favorite. Though I had a rather deep hatred for Ron Weasley and his oafish ways. He almost reminded me of Finn with the way he offered a bare minimum in his relationships. Even in the jealousy that he had when he wasn't in one.

I opened up the book to my place(right before they entered the maze), and worked to get lost in the fantasy…

* * *

I was tearing up a bit as I read the beginning of the graveyard scene. I've read this more than ten times, but the scene still got me.

"FABRAY!" Santana screamed from the entrance of the library. She looked like a Latina whirlwind in full swing. Some people said I was scary when I was mad. At this school it was between Santana and I which one of us was more fearsome. It was almost a competition in the eyes of our peers. Since I couldn't exactly compare how daunting I really was, it would always be Santana who won in my books. I slowly sank in my chair. No sudden movements. She was scanning around the library; she ignored the shushs and glares with practiced ease. Her eyes passed over me, but I knew it was too soon to be relieved.

Only as the bell ringed did I realize I wasn't about to be found. I watched as she huffed, and stormed towards her next class. I waited a moment.

I scrambled to my class; I checked the hallways as I went. In my class I was safe. That is until I heard my phone beep again. I checked it on reflex. Two messages. One before, and one right now.

_Santana: Where r u? I don't C u in the Caf._

_Santana: Y AREN'T U ANSWERING? We need to talk._

Oh God…

* * *

Last period of the day. I had minutes until the bell rang. A million plans to get away before Santana found me went through my mind. So far the most brilliant of them was also pretty simple.

I would walk as fast as I could without running to my car. That way Santana wouldn't have time to find and stop me. The most she would see would be my back tail lights.

It's not like I didn't realize I would have to face Santana… I just didn't want to do it today. I had my limits. One emotionally crippling experience a day.

The ring of the bell echoed through the classroom. While everyone else packed up I was already on my way. I charged out with my head down. I didn't even make it two steps before a hand attached itself to my arm pulling me back just outside of the door I came out of.

I stared back into the eyes of Rachel, whose hand remained on my upper bicep in a way that I supposed was going to try to stop me if I tried to run away. She didn't say anything. Continuing in that fashion she began dragging me in the direction of the Glee classroom.

She gave me a gentle push into the classroom, where the members of Glee were slowly making their way in and sitting down. We didn't sit. She stood next to me as everyone got there.

"What's going on?" I asked quietly. Rachel moved to stand in front of me. Her arms were crossed over her chest, and she seemed to be trying to be stern. Or at least attempting to be.

"We, those of us you see around you today, have noticed that you seem to be isolating yourself," Rachel began. I almost wanted to cut her off before she could get into full speech mode, but I figured I owed them all enough to at least hear her out. "Not only have you refrained from joining Glee, but also the Cheerios. While none of us are particularly fond of the Cheerios it seemed important to you, and we are worried about you."

"I don't plan on joining either this year," I stated firmly.

"Well that's all good if that's what you've decided bu-"

"FABRAY," Santana's cry cut off Rachel. "Why aren't you answering your phone?!"

Santana stopped a moment and glanced around at the ensemble that was encircled about Rachel and I.

"What is this some kind of intervention?"

"No," Rachel said. She was glaring at Santana for interrupting her. "We were expressing our worries for Quinn, and were then going to ask her if she was going to involve herself with Glee again."

"Sorry Man hands, me and Quinn need to be discussing Cheerios and why she hasn't signed up yet. I figure it's more important since the deadline is Thursday."

"Hey, Glee is just as important as Cheerios!" Kurt said as he stood. Other's followed his example and started making similar claims in rising voices. Of course, Santana screamed back twice as loud.

Everyone was out of control. Names were thrown about, and threats were made. It was so loud, and I was finding it extremely difficult to handle it all. What shook me to the core was the knowledge that I used to be in the center of arguments like this. I used to help start them. In a way I had started this one. Without even trying I was tearing these people apart. Why couldn't anything ever just work out for me?

I had been watching Santana one-woman army it through the arguement when my vision began to blur. I couldn't figure out what was happening. Everything was clear and then it wasn't. I shook my head to see if it helped. It didn't. Then the yelling began to die. I looked about. It seemed as if everyone was staring at me in shock. A sound escaped me. And then I realized.

I was crying.


	3. Once They Start They Can't Stop

Chapter 3

_I had been watching Santana one-woman army it through the arguement when my vision began to blur. I couldn't figure out what was happening. Everything was clear and then it wasn't. I shook my head to see if it helped. It didn't. Then the yelling began to die. I looked about. It seemed as if everyone was staring at me in shock. A sound escaped me. And then I realized._

_ I was crying._

_-(*)-(*)-(*)-_

"Quinn," Rachel whispered. She was staring at me with wide, sad eyes. I wondered how she could look so sad when I was the one that was crying. "Are you OK?"

Everyone was staring at me with the eyes that held the same sentiment as that question. Quinn Fabray? Crying? Was this really happening? I wanted to get away from all these people, but Santana was blocking the exit and I knew if she really wanted to stop me she very well could. I could probably turn it into a pretty good fight before she put me down, though.

I tried to further stifle the quiet sobs. It definitely wasn't working. I turned my gaze on the people surrounding me; I was glaring at them around my tears. It didn't seem to deter the looks. When I glanced in Santana's direction I witnessed one of the most contrasting looks on her face ever. It looked like she was stuck between hysterically laughing at me, or screaming. Both at the same volume though.

With one hand I scrubbed at my eyes, and with the other I flipped off Santana. Before I could react further she charged at me and snatched my arm from Rachel. She then proceeded to drag me out. I considered trying to struggle to get away from her, then chastised myself, I knew how strong Santana could be if she wanted to be. I barely heard Rachel's little noise of outrage before the door closed behind us. I was relieved to be out of that classroom until Santana shoved me into another empty one and slammed me against the wall. The door crashed shut.

"What. The. Hell is wrong with you," She growled out. "First you start ignoring me, not just me but just about everyone, then you don't join Cheerios, not only that but you don't join Glee either, now you're here blubbering for no apparent reason."

She was seething. There was something in her eyes now though. Something in the way she was speaking. Something that wasn't anger. She was worried about me. Her grip on my arms was slack now.

"I don't even know," I said. "I just-"

"-Santana," Rachel screamed as she burst into the room. "Don't hurt Quinn!"

"I'm not gonna hurt Tubers!"

"It doesn't look like that from my point of view!"

"Well it's true!"

They were both raising their voices again. Just more pointless yelling.

"Stop," I wailed. I pushed Santana so that I was between the both of them. "Please, please. Just stop. It's not that important. I'm not that important. Just stop. Please. Stop screaming..."

"Okay," Rachel said lowly. "Okay."

She said it placatingly. And it grated more on me than the ever could yelling. Their eyes were on me again.

This time I ran without either of their assistance.

_-(*)-(*)-(*)-_

I seemed to finally be getting a handle on this whole fleeing thing. This time neither girl dragged me back. I panicked a little when I reached into my bag for my keys and I couldn't find them. Turns out they were just hiding at the bottom because not even finding my keys was supposed to be easy.

I don't actually remember most of the trip to the car, or to my house. I tripped up the stairs to my bedroom. My things were thrown into the corner next to my work desk, while I flung myself onto the bed.

I don't know how today could've gone worse. This day would go down as the worst one in my life, or at least in the top ten. I wonder how much trouble I would get into for not going for the rest of the year. I can almost hear my mother's screaming. That is if she even notices. Do the cops come before or after the school contacts you…

Oh my god…

My cardigan. Rachel had been wearing it. When she had dragged me away I hadn't noticed, but she had been wearing it the whole time. A flush of happiness went through me. She was wearing it. If she was angry with me she wouldn't have been wearing it, right? You don't wear someones clothes if you hate them. A whirlwind of questions, and not a single answer. How lovely.

My eyes were closed, and I could feel myself beginning to drift.

Santana would find me tomorrow. She wasn't going to let what happened today go. Most likely she was already plotting how she planned to stalk me tomorrow. Which will most likely involve staking out my locker waiting for me to arrive. Then kidnapping me once again. I wonder how long I can go without my textbooks. I might be able to borrow from people who sit next to m…

_-(*)-(*)-(*)-_

_Somebody was in bed with me. It didn't surprise me when I looked up and it was Rachel. She was cuddling into me. Her arm was thrown over my waist, and her face was nuzzling into my neck. I could feel her lips right next to my ear. _

_ "It's okay," She said lightly. Her hand was gently caressing my back. If I had been crying I knew it would have soothed me. "You should know, I've always forgiven you. Always."_

_ It was so warm and comforting here. Her words washed over me in a tidal wave of relief, and I wrapped my arms tighter around her. I could feel her gentle breath against my cheek. She smelled nice, but I couldn't place it. It was elusive and every time I thought I had a grip on what it was it was gone again. Peppermint maybe? No something closer to cotton candy, but not at all. My curiosity with the fragrance kept my attention for a time. _

_ Soft material was clutched in my hand. It was practically pitch black, but I knew that it was my cardigan that she was wearing. I wanted her to wear it always. In fact if she tried to give it back I would find a reason to 'lend' it to her again. At least that's what I planned. Then I realized that if she gave it back to me it would smell like her. I've reached an impasse of what I plan to do. _

_ She started to pull away from me. I clutched tighter, yet she still slipped further out of my grasp until her forehead was pressed against my own. I could make out her warm brown eyes in the dark. A smile was playing across her mouth, and suddenly her mouth was playing across mine. _

_ Her lips pressed gently in a chaste first kiss. She began to pull away from me again, but she returned for seconds quite quickly. I kissed her with everything I had. It felt so good, and it was Rachel. _

_ Her lips detached, and in my daze she was able to put some room between us. Her hand brushed a few wayward strands of hair out of my eyes, and she grinned at me happily. It made my heart seize a little in it's own joy. I closed my eyes and pulled her towards me again._

_-(*)-(*)-(*)-_

My eyes flew open. Rachel was not lying next to me. More to the point. Rachel was not here with me kissing me.

Well…

Shit.


	4. Kept on Running Til I Hit That Wall

Chapter 4

I had long since given up the notion that anything my dad had taught me was true. Only after I was kicked out did I actually consider that he had said was wrong, but when I did it all made sense. It took me most of the summer to come to the conclusion that his ideals didn't make me, me. And I definitely didn't want to be like my father. I figured there could only be so much bigotry in the world and I didn't plan to add to it.

The problem arose when I tried to make my religion coincide with my new point of view. I was a Christian. God was the one god that I prayed to. I had been going to church since I was born. It was a long fight with myself when I tried to figure out where I stood, but then I made a decision.

I would try my hardest to be the best I could. Who can find fault in that? I might not be the kindest, or go out of my way to help people, but if and when I do something important, I would try my hardest. It was a good compromise for me. I dropped going to church though. It was just too hard to disassociate it with my father and his opinions.

I don't know what I would have done if I had a dream like that last year; I do know that I would have been freaking out way more than I am right now. If by freaking out I mean laying on my bed and remembering every little detail that I could of that dream and smiling like a maniac even though I knew I shouldn't be. Seeing as Rachel most likely didn't even want to be **friends** with me, let alone something **more**. My heart was glutton for punishment, and then praying for more apparently.

I glanced at the clock.

**7:30**

I hadn't slept a wink after that dream.

I probably wouldn't have gone to school today anyway, but that was just the straw that broke the camel's back. No school for me. A quick text to my mom telling her I was sick, and it was settled. I pulled the covers more securely over myyself falling asleep soon after.

_-(*)-(*)-(*)-_

I spent all day in bed. Except for the one trip downstairs to procure snacks and beverages. Mother was normally gone doing who knows what during the day and most of the night, so I was left on my own. The house was quiet and it almost made me question if there was a world outside of my room. It was a silly notion. I still found myself imagining what would happen if it were true. It was a great fantasy until I realized I would probably die of starvation within a couple of days. These doritos definitely wouldn't last me very long.

Oh well.

I did get some things done though. I finished my book, and started on _The Order of the Phoenix_. I got all my homework done that I should have done the previous night. I even started watching the first season of_ Survivorman_. I'm sure that more than covers missing one day of school. Who cares about Pre-Calculus when you're stuck in the wild with no food or shelter.

"Quinn."

Santana stood on the threshold of my room. She was looking around my room, as if she were searching for something. I wasn't entirely surprised to see her. I watched as she strode across the room and sat on my computer chair.

"Put the key back where you found it?" I questioned warily. Santana's head jerked forward in a curt kind of nod. I waited impatiently for her to say what was on her mind.

"I don't know what's up with you," She started slowly. "You've been weird since school started."

Her eyes continued to travel around. Then they connected with mine and determination flashed across her face.

"I know you don't owe me anything. I'm not here to fight with you over how our 'friendship'," Her fingers lifted in air quotes, "isn't more than what acquaintances would be. I just want you to talk to me. I promise not to say anything judgy unless it is entirely necessary," she grinned a little at the last bit, and then stared at me expectantly.

I almost wanted to just send her away with no explanation. Maybe throw in a couple rude comments so that she wouldn't come back. But I knew Santana, I knew Santana would take any of those actions as the defense maneuver they are. She was nothing but loyally stubborn at the worst times. When it was directed at you your best option is to just give.

_-(*)-(*)-(*)-_

I knew there was no getting rid of Santana without a proper explanation, so that's what I did. I told her about my father, even though she already knew, my guilt for the bullying I had done previous, I even touched on the topic of liking someone. I didn't tell her who, but I did tell her it was someone who I had no business being with.

She listened through the entire thing. I was surprised she hadn't interrupted once. She stayed silent though, and when I finished she was thoughtfully staring off into space.

"Okay," she nodded to herself, "Okay."

She met my eyes now.

"So here's the plan," Santana said. "You're either gonna join Glee or Cheerios. Going off of what you've been sayin' about the guilt, I'd recommend Glee. That way you can get those guys off your back, and you don't have to be a bitch. I would keep the HBIC outer appearance so that you don't get slushied if I were you."

"I didn't really think I was going to get away with going through the year the way I had planned," I sighed. I had hoped of course, but I knew better than the expect things to go according to carefully laid out paths. Topic change time. "So what's been up with you and Brittany?"

"How about we not talk about that," Santana growled. I looked at her questioningly. She seemed to rethink her response. "She's with Artie. That's all."

My brows knit together as I looked at her slumped posture. She was obviously not happy with this at all.

"You know I'd listen just like you did, right?" She nodded and that was it.

_-(*)-(*)-(*)-_

Santana left soon after. Her parting words were in true Santana fashion. She threatened me with another surprise visit if I wasn't in school the next day. It was followed by a narrowing of eyes that were pinned me in place and was followed by a slammed door.

Mother arrived an hour later to find me in the kitchen eating a quick salad. She had said a small greeting then disappeared to her room. She didn't ask about why I didn't go to school, and I didn't ask where she had been all day. It was a case of mutual disinterest. The great thing about it was that I didn't care.

I sent an email to Mr. Schue informing him that I would be there for Glee club tomorrow. I didn't get a message back, but I expected that.

I laid in bed, eyes closed, arms curled around a pillow. I could almost imagine Rachel next to me, and though it really shouldn't've, it comforted me. Last night's lack of sleep caught up to me now. For just a time I didn't need to question the arms of Dream Rachel that wrapped around me. For now they were just there. Tomorrow they'd be gone. The feeling's would stay. I knew that.


	5. Ideas Always Sound Good In The Beginning

Chapter 5

The talk with Santana seemed to give me my backbone back. I could almost physically feel my walls going back up. Feel the power that surrounded me. I would have been happy for the added cover if it didn't come with the striking anger, and backlash.

Santana wasn't at my locker the next day thankfully. I did catch a glimpse of her nodding in approval when I walked in and everyone cowered away from me. I guess they knew Quinn Fabray was back. Even if I was an ex-Cheerio now.

None of the Glee kids approached me as I walked down the hall. Even though I did see Artie and Mercedes looking at me from her locker. I wondered where Brittany was. Normally she stayed relatively close to Artie, and he walked her to class.

I walked into Glee club before everyone else. I grabbed the seat as far in the back as possible, and by happy accident there was no chairs that were anywhere near me unless you actually moved them. I was reading when the other's started to arrive. They knew not to interrupt me when I was reading.

Their voices didn't even register with me. I was too busy seething over how Umbridge was an absolute toad. I imagined what I would do if I was in a situation like that. I hoped I'd have a friend like Hermione.

"Everyone here," Mr. Schue called. His voice carried through the room and I lowered my book slightly to at least appear as if I was paying attention. "I know normally I just give you an assignment for a song you should pick and sing but before that I have an idea. I think that we should do a team building activity and I want your ideas on what we should."

Everyone turned expectantly to Rachel. She was normally the one to come up with ideas when it was left to us to decide. Sometimes I wondered if anyone else realized how dependent we were on her putting forth what she thought of. Without her we wouldn't know what to do more than half the time. I supposed that we needn't worry, she stepped up on this occasion just like all the rest.

"Well," Rachel's face screwed up a little in concentration. "There's obviously not a whole lot we can do acting as a group in Lima, but I'm sure we can think of something... We could, perhaps, attempt to schedule a meet up at breadstix? Or a lock in, and if it really comes down to it we could just hold a small shindig for just Glee club at one of our homes."

There was a murmur as the choices were talked over. Mercedes piped up then, "What exactly would we be doing at a lock in?"

"Well for the most part you just watch movies, play games, and eat food. It's also a kind of battle for who can stay up the latest. Of course we don't have to do that last part because it might create some unhealthy competition but the other things can be quite pleasant. Since it takes place at the school we'd have to get permission."

Rachel was visibly getting excited now. I imagined it was because she was thinking of this like it was some kind of huge slumber party. It kind of was, but she was probably only excited because she never had a slumber party before. Something inside of me twinged. An image of a much smaller Rachel entered my mind. All alone, even though she sent out so many invitations, and prepared so many things.

"That sounds good," I spoke over everyone else. Rachel's beaming smile turned on me. It made me want to look away, but I forced my lips to turn up a little through the sadness that wanted me to frown. It should be impossible to be so happy for something so small.

Other's began voting for it as well after I spoke up. Santana was smiling rather maliciously when she said she liked the idea, and I was rightfully frightened since it was directed my way. Brittany was giggling next to her so I figured it wasn't going to hurt me. Unless, of course, Brittany got abnormally sadistic since I last spoke to her. It didn't seem likely but I was still worried.

_-(*)-(*)-(*)-_

Whatever Santana was planning would obviously happen during the lock-in. With all of us locked inside the school all night I wouldn't be able to get away from her. I wasn't able to focus in any of my classes Thursday or Friday, because the images of all the things Santana could do were haunting me. How far can a 4.0 GPA drop in two day's anyway?

It was decided that we would be having the lock in on Saturday starting at eleven in the morning. That way we could all try to sleep as long as possible Friday night so we could stay up later on Saturday.

I caught Rachel tailing me to a few of my classes. It felt like she was watching over me for any trouble even though it was never I who was slushied or pushed into lockers. It crossed my mind that she may be watching to see if I would have another breakdown. In some way it reassured me that in some way she cared. Or at least cared more than the other Glee members seeing how they haven't asked me how I was, or shown any other signs of caring since I joined Glee again. Santana was correct about that, if you didn't include Rachel.

Even Finn seemed to have lost interest in pursuing me. I had a feeling it didn't have as much to do with me being in Glee again, and more to do with him finding someone new to go after. I felt sorry for whoever had his 'affections' at this moment.

_-(*)-(*)-(*)-_

Saturday morning delivered a text message from Santana.

_Santana: U better be up and ready to go. Me and Britts be there in fifteen. _

The bad feeling that hadn't left returned ten fold now that I knew I would be forced to ride with Santana. Brittany being there was only a small safety that would probably only save me from death. So started a lovely Saturday that I knew was about to go wrong.


	6. Pieces Float Apart

Chapter 6

The car was filled with Santana and Brittany's laughter when it pulled up. It sent shivers up my spine. They didn't subside even after we had traded greetings. If Santana's grunt of acknowledgement could be considered a greeting. Judging by Santana and Brittany's conversation during the ride to the school I'd have to say that Santana and Brittany are getting along much better. Brittany hadn't really been hanging around Artie as much at school. I wasn't sure if they had broken up, but I wasn't going to ask so I'd probably only know if it was shoved in my face.

I glanced longingly at my Benz before we pulled away. Just another nail in my coffin, and we turned the corner, blocking my car from my view. I sat straight and rigid the rest of the car ride. Neither girl said anything to me. My ears stayed trained on their conversation hoping for a hint of what Santana had planned. She gave nothing away.

We pulled into the almost deserted parking lot. I could see Finn's old pickup truck next to Noah's, and a few spots over sat Rachels yellow VW Beetle. I hadn't exactly been paying all that much attention to what the other's had been doing, but I'd guess that just about everyone was carpooling. I probably should have been participating more that way I could have offered my car as a means to get here.

My door was flung open before I could even unbuckle myself from the seat. Santana snatched my bag and marched a few spaces away.

A startled, "What," left my lips before I realized she was rummaging through it and pulling all the books I had packed into it out. All six books that I had meticulously picked for their re-readability were placed in the waiting hands of Brittany.

I stared as Santana checked my bag again for any books she might have missed. A noise of indignation left my throat. My bag was thrust into my hands minus all the books.

"You can glare at me all you want, but you are gonna par-tici-pate," Santana breaks the last word into three and my glare turns up three fold. "during this little geek fest. Which means you won't be reading off in your own little tiny world.

Brittany placed her hand on my elbow and began the journey to the school. The glare that had formed for Santana hadn't gone away even after we had entered the Glee room.

Everyone was already here just like I had already suspected. All the chairs had been pushed to the walls, and everyone was sitting on the floor. Sleeping bags were being used as cushions, and unopened games boxes were stacked around waiting to be played.

"I just think that this is a great opportunity to further our singing abilities along with our relations as teammates," Rachel said heatedly to Puck and Finn who seemed to be fighting her on this point while everyone else watched.

"Rach," Finn said exasperatedly, obviously they had been arguing for a bit now. " This is supposed to be a fun and relaxing lock in."

There were a few little murmurs of agreement at that. A small sigh of defeat left Rachel, and she slumped a little. Something in me pushed for swift action against Finn. Luckily my self control was… well it was there, and sometimes I chose to use it. Such as now. Right after I shoulder checked him on my way to sit in the kind of semi circle everyone had been formed.

Mr. Schue arrived soon after that. He must've guessed the semi tension that had surrounded us until then was boredom because he suggested we start with our first game.

Monopoly was pulled out and so began the dissection and dissolvement of any and all camaraderie that existed between us.

_-(*)-(*)-(*)-_

"What the hell!" Santana screamed as she landed on 'Go To Jail' for the seventh time in a row without passing 'Go'. Snickers followed while Santana seethed.

A smirk was pulling at the corners of my mouth. At this point I was winning. I had Park Place and Broadway under my belt, and the hotels that sat on top of them shone with an unholy light of evil doom.

Puck rolled. Missed joining Santana in 'Jail' by one space. Instead he ended up paying Rachel an ungodly amount for rent. Rachel was close behind in terms of property and money. She had haggled and bargained for all the green, and now she was seeing the fruits of her labor. Everyone else was witnessing the birth of a new Satan. What I had labeled as our side of the board was no man's land in terms of bankruptcy. You could almost see the sweat beading on everyone's forehead as they approached.

Rachel rolled, and everyone stopped breathing. According to the die she would be landing directly on… Broadway.

"No way," Rachel whispered. Her money made a sudden disappearing act under her shirt as she tried to keep my hands off of it. Slowly I could feel one of my eyebrows making its way up my forehead.

A blush crossed her cheeks as she pulled it all back out, and passed it to me. My hands shook slightly at the knowledge of what this money had touched. I watched as many faces morphed into glee as she had to mortgage two of her green as well.

Rachel really got into the game after that. This concentrated look came over her, and her bottom lip disappeared between teeth, and I forgot to breath.

_-(*)-(*)-(*)-_

Nobody won the game. Finn rolled and landed on Park Place, then promptly upended the board before he went bankrupt. Such a good sport.

We ended up just playing trivia for the next couple hours. Which really just came down to someone reading a question, and everyone just screaming random answers. It was nearly eleven when we got bared with that.

"Did you guys finish for that assignment for Algebra 2?" Artie asked.

My eyes were slowly closing. I don't anyone would notice if I fell asleep. It wasn't like I normally stayed up this late anymore. My body was just not accustomed to it. It demanded sleep. Now.

Voices garbled into the background, and a pleased sigh left me. Until of course a finger began poking me in the side. I groggily opened my eyes to meet the grinning face of Santana. My mind was too tired to be suspicious.

"Hey Quinnie," Santana was being condescending, but I didn't pick up on it.

"Yeah Sanny."

"I got a question for ya."

"I'm kinda tired can you ask me later," I was falling back asleep now.

"Nope it's gotta be now."

Apparently my sleep groan was acquiesce enough for her.

"What do you think about Finn?" There was laughter in her voice, and it seemed to echo around.

"Finn?" I grumbled.

"Yep."

"He's like the Titanic."

"You're gonna have to explain that one," She confused and amused at the same time. Kind of like when Brittany started talking about unicorns and duckies being friends.

"Not really the Titanic itself. But, but thee iceberg. And, and, and Rose. At the same time, you know? Like he's like making you crash, then sinking the ship, and then… and then he expects you to drown to save him when he realizes he's screwed."

I chuckled at the mental image. I think I heard someone make a disgruntled sound, but it was followed by a distant crash so I knew something had happened. My eyes were closed again though. I was really comfortable.

"She's not really all that mean when she's tired," somebody murmured. I wondered who they were talking about.

"Nah," Santana dismissed. "If it was anyone other than me or Britts she would enter a bitch mode no one's ever seen before. I've been witness to it and even I was scared."

Hmmm. Sleep.

Another poke.

"NOOOOooooo," I whined as the fringes of sleep I had been on started to recede again.

"I just want some more of your opinions of people then you can sleep. I'll even promise not to draw on your face."

"I'm actually curious as to what she really thinks of me," A girl spoke quietly up who hadn't said anything before. "She's always been rather mean to me, and it makes me wonder if she really hates me or not."

"Yeah, yeah, this could be good," Santana mumbled under her breath. Then she leaned closer to me and said, "Whatcha think about Manhands?"

"Rachel," It was supposed to be a question, but it came out as more of a statement. What did I think of Rachel. Rachel was just Rachel. She had talent and she was pretty, and if I wasn't such an ass I probably would've been friends with her. Maybe even something more. I wish. Rachel's good to cuddle with too. In my head at least. Finally I remember saying. "Rachel's… good."

There was silence. I fell asleep soon after. No poking or prodding followed.


End file.
